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Read the Manual: Lemon Linguine

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[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ew_VXD4eS5Q&w=560&h=315]

Lemon, salmon pea linguine: it is the Battlestar Galactica of food My name is Tasia and I am a chef, but we are here in my home kitchen which is a little less fancy and where I just like to make things that are easy and simple and delicious and fill my heart with joy and my belly with warmth

But today we're gonna be doing something a little bit different This is a new segment it's called Read The Manual and the idea with this is I am going to explain to you how I would make a recipe and then we're gonna send the instructions off to our friend Sam – you know the one Giant nerd Has opinions Longtime friend

Co-host of this channel – and he is going to attempt to cook what I explained using only my written instructions Hopefully this will go well But it could go disastrously We don't know! So what we're hoping is that you'll want to come with us and experience this in all of its messy glory and we'll see if it comes out delicious But regardless we're gonna have a lot of fun and I can't wait for you to too! Tasia has written me a recipe for something

I don't know what dish I'm making I don't know what equipment I need I don't even know what ingredients I'm going to use I just know that Tasia has tried to write a recipe in as vague and confusing a way as she possibly can, so that I can get confused and frustrated trying to prepare it for your viewing pleasure, dear fans of Cook That Game So, today for Read The Manual I am thinking the recipe is lemon linguine

I have been making this recipe for a really long time Like a crazy time It's a really simple pasta It's very beautiful, and I made an adapted version a while ago that goes down a treat So you can make it just as the lemon linguine, which is like, linguine with the lemon cream sauce, and it's gorgeous

Or you can make it a little bit fancier So how that happens is we're gonna add some smoked salmon, some peas and some fresh mint So daaaaaaamn It's really good It is fresh, it is summery, it's zesty, and just like a little bit impressive

But with so little effort So little effort If you can make pasta you can definitely make this it's great So, Sam? Audience? You ready? So, the recipe is here on my tablet Okay

"Greetings, oh Sam Let's make some tasty food, shall we?" We shall We shall make some tasty food Tasia Thank you for lampshading that "Before you even start getting your ingredients out

" I don't have them What you want to do is you want to get a pot of water on to boil Just for your pasta get that on you want it nice and big so it's got plenty of room for the pasta, and you want it well salted I've said it before and I will say it again: you want your water to be as salty as the Mediterranean "Feel free to put a pot of water on Just flang it on

It is important that you use the right size pot and the right amount of water Throw an outrageous amount of salt in there Forget about it for a while" If I'm putting on a pot of water I'm guessing it's probably to make pasta or something? So if I'm making pasta If we're making pasta this is the right size pot The right amount of water will be I dunno, a whole lot of water And I believe the term was an outrageous amount of salt Here we have salt That's that's pretty outrageous That's a lot of salt that's just gone in there Is it the right amount? Well, I'd no, sorry, I was only told the right pot and the right amount of water I was not told the right amount of salt, other than that it was outrageous So Jesus that is an outrageous amount of salt I might have over done it We could be in a bad way already Chuck that on, crank it to boil, let's see how we go

We're gonna get some peas You don't have to get fresh peas Nice frozen peas work a treat Leave them in the fridge to defrost, or if you need to defrost them in a hurry it just pop them in a little bit of water "Defrost some peas in a bowl of water

" Okay, well, to do that I'm going to need some peas Like so I'm also going to need a bowl of water Behold a bowl Behold some water

Behold some peas in a bowl of water They're defrosting, I guess We're just gonna pop those down there Next, while you're waiting for that to come to the boil, get your pasta ready Just have that next to the pot

Then we're gonna pull out some cream, some eggs, some parmesan and some lemon So you're going to mix those together, just with a fork, so it's egg yolk, its parmesan grated on a microplane (or just the fine side of a grater if that's what you got) I'm gonna tell you now that you are not going to use pre-grated parmesan, because otherwise I will find out a way to come through the internet and haunt you personally Just buy yourself a chonk It doesn't have to be parmigiano-reggiano

It just needs to be a nice, solid, tasty cheese Not a tasty cheese But a tasty Parmesan, or pecorino, or something of the sort Egg yolk, cream, lemon zest and lemon juice Bang it all in the bowl, give it a whisk, pop it aside

"While you are waiting, separate an egg You want to keep the correct half You can throw the other half away" Okay "Separate it with your hands, or the eggshell, or a knife

That last part is probably a joke Don't use a knife" That's good I wasn't going to use a knife to separate an egg I have not been doing that for my entire culinary life up to this point, so if it was to turn out that I needed to separate knives with egg

separate knives with eggs? Separate eggs with knives I can even put words in the correct order I would be quite shocked and concerned

So, I do however need some eggs Okay Let's not show off my really messy fridge to the viewers, but we have some eggs I don't know if Cool I'm very glad you chose not to throw eggs at me That's good Thank you

I need to keep the right part of the egg Again, I'm speculating here Okay, hang on

"measure out your cream"? I'm assuming the half egg okay, "in a bowl that'll be large enough to keep all ingredients" I'm gonna use this mixing jug because it's bowl-like and then you, the viewers at home, can see what is going on inside I think the right part of the egg that I'm keeping will be the yolk

I can't generally if you're only keeping part of an egg you keep the yolk You would only keep the white if you were, I dunno, making an egg white omelette or some other dish that you probably shouldn't ever make because flavour

Flavour's important But here's what I can do I'm going to take this other mixing bowl and I'm gonna keep the white anyway, just in case I am not using a knife I am

[sighs deeply] The good news is I've already [bleep], because this is the bit I'm keeping that I was meant to put in this jug and it's fine It's fine We'll it's fine We'll go from here It wants me to gently mix my egg So I guess Some whiskey business

I have I don't know what I'm mixing the egg with There's nothing to mix the egg with at this stage

But the egg has been mixed Gently "Take out my cheese chonk" I require a chonk of cheese Is there a chonk of cheese in the grocery bag? Okay, that is not a chonk of cheese

That is a bag of cheese that is in non-chonk form No, I'm not I'm not using that

Here's an actual chunk of cheese that happened to be in my fridge, because, you know, I have cheese in my fridge Of course I do Why wouldn't you have cheese in your fridge? So, cheese chunk it is getting grated "Grate it very small" Am I using pre- grated Parmesan? I'd better not be

Tasia will haunt me I am not using that I am unhaunted Look at Look There is no haunting going on here [loud crash] I knocked that over It wasn't a ghost

A ghost didn't knock that over "Flang the grated parmesan into the yolk Mix gently" There's a lot of there's a lot of gentle mixing going on in this here business So, I want an amount of parmesan that is appropriate to one egg yolk

That's probably gonna it's gonna be a lot of parmesan That is

a lot is the correct amount of parmesan to be using I am increasingly convinced that this is going to be some sort of pasta thing So we now have

we now have egg mixed with cheese In the absence of cream I'm gonna mix a bit of milk into this, because that seems that seems probably advisable Because that's real thick, and I don't think it should be That's an eggy, milky cheese situation Okay

"Using the same grater" Not a different grater I'm only allowed to use one grater until told otherwise

So I'm using this grater So, zest half of my lemon into that mixture Juice of half a lemon goes in also So I require a lemon I have a lemon

It's really I had not quite appreciated how unsettling it is to have produce flying at your face until this moment See the only thing is this is not the grater that I would normally use for zesting a lemon

I have other graters for that But I've been told on no uncertain terms I must use this grater I don't know why I don't know if there is a magic that happens when you use the same grater That's half

I'm gonna use all the zest Listen, lemon? Lemon is life So whatever's going on in this here situation can always be improved by more lemon That's the zest Juice of half a lemon goes in as well

Okay we're just gonna slicey slice that lemon Course it's full of seeds But no seeds went into the mixture That's how we do All right

It doesn't say to mix this, but I feel it would be weird not to mix it, so I'm gonna do it anyway When your pasta water comes up to a boil, what you're gonna do is you're gonna whack your linguine in there Now, linguine is like a slightly flat spaghetti It's like spaghetti and tagliatelle had a baby And it's really good

It's long, it's slurpy, but it's got a nice bite You're going to pop that in your pot of water, give it a good kind of mix to make sure it's all in there, and then cook it for normally eight minutes, but whatever it says on the packet Is my water boiling? Not quite Is it as salty as my soul? My soul is quite salty Now I'm feeling slightly better about the ludicrous amount of salt that I accidentally put in that water

We need a teaspoon So the question is, "is this this water as salty as my soul?" Yes

Yes it is Take my linguine Okay, I was right It is pasta There is linguine involved

"Take the linguine and gently lower it into its custom hot springs and give it a stir" I don't know how much linguine to use There's one there's one egg in this whole situ oh Jesus [Bleep] It's cool, everything's falling apart

"Linguine likes to clump, so I tend to stir it with the long clicky boys You know the ones, right?" I do know the ones There is but one long clicky boy It is the magical tongs And I do have tongs, I came prepared

Or my kitchen did My kitchen is well prepared That look, that looks like about a person's worth of linguine All right, the linguine has gone into the pan It has been stirred with the long clicky boys, so we are doing okay Then we're gonna get some mint and you, if you're feeling fancy, can chiffonade it I'm gonna write some instructions for Sam to explain how to chiffonade the parsley

? The mint And hopefully that'll work And otherwise just be like, "I don't want to chiffonade it

That's a crazy time I'm just gonna tear it like a regular human" If you want to up your knife skills, have at chiffonading It's actually pretty easy Otherwise just tear it

It's gonna be great It's gonna be fresh Now, if you're going the fancy version, you have this time while your pasta is cooking to get ready your bits and pieces You want a little bit of smoked salmon or smoke trote smoked trout Say that 10 times fast And you're just gonna tear that up You can just find some at the supermarket

Tear it into little pieces with your fingers Or if you hate touching fish go in there with a knife But really, honestly, you can tear it and it's great Shred the salmon, which I'm assuming is [wailing guitar noise] Probably not Instead we have

Oh! Smoked salmon The best salmon Actually that's a lie

There is no such thing as the best salmon, because all salmon is equally best I'm a fiend for this If by some coincidence I feel that this is too much salmon for the recipe, I'm gonna eat it anyway I'm just that's just what I'm gonna do So, I need to shred this "Tear it into lovely little shreds That is, you don't want them too small or too big

Tear them into the right size" So, I feel if we're gonna be eating this with a fork, because it's linguine, we want I dunno, kind of about that size That looks like a it was like a legit size And however much we need to go into here This is a dish with a great deal of improvisation already

Tearing that That's starting to look kind of like about the right amount of salmon, really Isn't it? It didn't actually tell me to put this in here So hopefully that was right/ I don't know I'm just tossing

I've jumped the gun I've made it what could be a fatal error We shall find out

By now I reckon your pasta's ready Get that in the colander, but before you do! Reserve some of the pasta liquid This stuff is good We're gonna use a little bit in the sauce, so Strain that out Pop your pasta back in the pot Put your egg, parmesan, lemon mixture into the pot You want to start giving this a mix because the egg is going to start kind of cooking

Not cooking like scrambled eggs, but like sort of softly setting the sauce onto the pasta You're going to add just a splash of your reserved pasta water to loosen it up Have a taste You want to adjust a little salt and pepper if needed, and it's gonna be so damn good "Check my pasta

Is it overcooked? Did I forget about it?" I did not You know what? That's feeling okay All right "Reserve half a cup of cooking water" That is weirdly specific for this show

That is half a cup is the first specific measurement I have been given, and I am going to follow it to the letter It's close enough

And strain "Once nicely strained, put the linguine back in the cooking pot It's almost eating time

" That's good I'm very hungry So, that's back in the cooking pot We're gonna put that there for a second Okay, "Mix the butt

" "Mix the butter through the hot pasta" Sure would have been good to know about the butter before it came flying at me Oh a

very specific butter I don't know if this is some swanky cultured butter or sure, okay, I have butter this is required to be mixed through And we need it to be "slippery and joyful" I know of remarkably few things that are slippery and joyful at the same time, but I'm open to the possibility Butter just is joy

We're doing okay here That's looking that's slippery and joyful

I'm into it Now we need to add the yolk/lemon mixture It does not, I note, say yolk/salmon mixture, so the inclusion of the salmon here is what we in the cooking business call "goofing" But we're I assume we're relying on the heat of this here pasta to cook the egg yolk so that I don't end up with salmonella If I do end up with salmonella we will let you know in the comments because you should probably not make this the way I did if that happens Okay [Sam-onella?] Sam-onella, exactly

Thank you "If it seems too thick add a little bit of the reserved liquid" It doesn't seem too thick but I'm gonna add a little bit anyway because pasta water is joy And I think it will actually tighten up a little bit We are partly relying on the fact that there is some leftover heat in this saucepan to cook everything

However, I am just gonna put this back on the heat for just a second, just enough to definitely cook the egg Now, you can just grate some extra parmesan on and eat it like that and it will be delicious But if you want to fance it up, this is the point where you're gonna chuck in your smoked salmon, you're going to add in your chiffonaded mint and you're gonna put in your peas Give it a stir Pile it on a plate all fancy-like

Grate that parmesan on top and bam Let me tell you this is delicious I feel like this is cooked It is creamy So now

I want to pile it prettily on a plate with some other alliteration on it Before I do that, mix in the salmon, mint and peas Okay, we have confirmed that I definitely put the salmon into early

Salmon goes in at the end These peas they're actually feeling kind of defrosted, but also quite cold

I do not even slightly need all of these peas We're just gonna run them under a bit of warm water so that they're not cold peas going into our delicious pasta That feels like it would be a bit gross Let's just wash that chill out of them That's a little bit better

Toss a few of these in there Get a bit of green into our Actually this is

This is actually smelling very exciting It smells it's got a creamy, salmon-y smell Not getting a lot of lemon which is a little bit disappointing It did say a plate I'm gonna use a bowl because Tasia is not the boss of me

She actually, in this circumstance, kind of is the boss of me, but I'm not gonna tell her that All pasta is beautiful No matter how you serve it, pasta is a beautiful thing The final instruction is well, sorry, there is one more instruction Grate on some extra parmesan Because you should always grate extra parmesan onto your pasta And you know what? I wasn't told to, but I'm gonna crack some pepper on there as well

Because you should always crack some extra pepper onto your pasta And my final instruction is devour "I hope it all went well, my friend" Heart emoji "Enjoy the lemony fruits of your labour

" So, we have a fork We have whatever it is I have made here that may or may not poison me But it smells real good Looks real good It's got lemon and pasta and peas and

Don't quite know how the peas are gonna get onto my fork, here They don't really want to cooperate You know what? That's not bad

It is gloriously creamy The salmon's coming through I think it could have used more lemon So there's a hint of lemon, but could use more lemon This has been a slightly horrifying experience

I think I made this correct It tastes good It's kind of like playing Battlestar Galactica When you read the rulebook it makes very little sense and you constantly feel like you're missing things, but when you do get it to the table it's a delicious experience Lemon, salmon, pea linguine

It is the Battlestar Galactica of food Let's use that as a stinger No one will ever understand that sentence Thank you very much for watching Read The Manual, I hope you had as much fun watching this as I did trying to interpret it Do all the YouTube things: like, share, subscribe, follow us on social media, and I will see you at the table

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